Two people get married in order to go through life hand in hand, to be close and in sorrow and in joy, to be each other’s psychological support, thus the rear, with whom “the devil is not afraid.” Having decided to link their fate with someone of the opposite sex, one hopes that there will be happy to family life, apart from certain duties, has many positive aspects. At a minimum, one wants to find a soul mate, a loved one who understands him and accepts. And at the maximum – to be happy.
It turns out that expectations were not fulfilled. Real family life dramatically at odds with those expectations, which pinned her to the man. It turns out that family life – not an oasis, a stormy sea, swim in which it alone is not safe for sanity. A friend and loved one in the face of his half of a man has not found, but gained a lot of problems. Well would be if these problems were only the material and in the end, if desired, they can be solved, in spite of the complex realities of modern life. But the trouble is that people in the family takes no psychological comfort.
After discovering that his expectations were not fulfilled, the person comes in indignation – how come he was cheated! Why partner (s) did not create (a) he was a happy life, where is that an optimistic ending, which usually end in fairy tales: “They married and lived happily”?
And then he (she) starts looking for the cause. As a rule, no one is looking for reasons to himself, though it is the simplest explanation. If people can not jump high, he did not blame the bar, which hangs too high? He knows that he can not jump high and do not even tries to jump over those that can. If people can not drive a car, he does not blame the car and its device, which he did not know, or rules of the road, with whom he does not sign or signs, which he did not know.
To get something, you must have the knowledge or skill. Why do people believe that family life – it’s such a simple thing, which is perceived by itself? Not at all. If only it were that easy, there would be no experts on marriage, would not have been so many books on this subject. For whom they write? For those who do not possess the necessary knowledge.
Not knowing any peculiarities of the psyche of the opposite sex, or patterns of relationships, the couple is like a man who can not swim, which is thrown from the boat, hoping it will pop up itself. Someone, indeed, begins to flounder and swam (though, in the water without a skill he would not last long, and if it does not help, maybe drowning), while others go to the bottom of the stone, because I do not know what to do.
And now, disappointed in marriage and his own half, one begins to look for a reason – why the marriage failed. However, he does not say to himself: “It all happened because of something I do not know, do not know how” (as well as a man who is drowning, do not blame myself for that time never learned to swim, and blames the person who dropped with his boat). He begins to point fingers. Far do not have to look – here it is, one who was to blame – is sitting (or lying) in front. “That he (she) is guilty (a), because conducted (a) a wrong! If he (a) was (a) by another (other), then we all would be well. ”
All scapegoat is found. Now we need to explain his own half, as he (she) is wrong (a), let immediately corrected, and then peace will be restored, peace will reign in the family, the house comes happiness and they will be healed as the two dove.
But there is no way that one spouse is happy, the other does not, a whole satisfied, the second unhappy with everything. Spouses do not keep silent, they speak to each other, and sometimes frustration spills out verbally. If one of any complaint, it also affects the second spouse. After hearing the allegations against him, he does not remain in debt.
And it starts … “I do not like about you so-and-so” – “And me too much you do not like! You think you’re perfection? “. “Why did you do that?” – “And you?”. “You need to correct their deficiencies” – “You’ve got flaws, no less!” And so on and so forth off they’d go, variance, identifying relationships, and family excited rolls downhill, whom grievances is growing and there finally covers both spouses to the head. Everything arrived. “He (a) simply unbearable (s)! Horrible character! Is such a person can get along? “And the other spouse takes exactly the same opinion – his half of the terrible, obnoxious character, he was always dissatisfied with everything, endlessly nagging for no reason, it would be better for a look – in general, family life unbearable.
Family disputes – the soil for the emergence of the neuroses, depression, suicide attempts and other psychiatric disorders that usually lead patients to a psychiatrist. Any family trouble – this traumatic situation, which people sometimes allow myself not able to. And then he seeks the advice of a professional. This will help you and our articles.
In future articles we will try to uncover the causes of most discord in a marriage that will help you in time to prevent unnecessary conflicts or address have already begun a family pockets of fire.